Bullying in the Workplace – What You Can Do Yourself

How to look at bullying differently

Change your own perspective, and that will change what’s around you. Isn’t that what they say? It sounds easy, but what does it mean? As a mediator and conflict coach, I work with clients, particularly in the workplace, to help them think differently — to consider the bully’s position (as, of course, they often don’t) and to take steps to empower themselves to improve their situation.

One man’s bullying…

I ask clients if they believe the bully thinks they are the one causing the problem. It is often said, “If I’d known it would affect you so much, I wouldn’t have done it”. That would be a great admission if accompanied by compassion for the victim and a resolve for more awareness in the future.

However, before the bully comes to this realisation, they will first have to be challenged - and that may not always suit the victim, and is normally the last resort.

It is also important to point out that the victim’s subjective perspective that this person is a bully, and regardless of the situation, part of the process is for the victim to ask themselves if perhaps there are other elements at play.

Asking if others within the workplace are getting the same treatment and if so, is this a regular occurrence noticeable over a significant period of time

Put yourself in their shoes

Does this person behave in this manner for a reason?

Could it be that this is learned behaviour?

Is it a culture in those surroundings?

What shortcomings are they protecting themselves against?

A wise man once asked me, “What would you do if you suffered road-rage-type driving from a boy racer, and then he was stopped at the next lights? Your eyes meet, what are you feeling?” Anger would do for a start. I was asked — could you say “it must be hard for you if that’s what you have to do”

I’m not suggesting that you don’t protect yourself or stand up to them, but consider that their bullying may be a manifestation of their own issues and insecurities.

As a trained conflict coach with the Cinergy Group, I am equipped to use the science to enable the victim to see the dance going on between themselves and the bully. Like a (not so) merry-go-round, help them to recognise when the other person was triggered to get on board.

Reflect internally

It would be great if you could let it wash off you like water off a duck’s back, but usually, it is not that easy, especially when the bullying is repetitive and is taking its toll on you.

It is important not to consider bullying as unpreventable. By looking at your whole self and by dealing with your own self-esteem, looking at any sensitivities, and vulnerabilities you were feeling, you may then be in a position to make a simple challenge and by doing so allow the bully to realise the impact of their behaviour.

During my years as a solicitor, a client once complained that a person accused him of being a sexual predator. As a solicitor, you can only act by firing off one or more legal bullets and this didn’t fit neatly into selecting the weapon, not least the fact that other anti-social behaviour might come back at him.

I told him if he was not a sexual predator he had nothing to worry about. If his criticism had been nearer the bone, so it could have a grain of truth, then he would need to have a look at himself. While he was clearly not the person he was accused of being, he could off-load the hurt by reflecting internally and sitting with the knowledge he was not a sexual predator. In other words, by not reaching out for some outside body to endorse his innocence he could grant that to himself.

External action involving the other party

Employers may have the walls of their premises covered by clauses on employee well-being and procedures, all the while hoping that they are never needed. If there is tension outside the. workplace, then there is the possibility that it could exist inside your working environment.

Expect to have to use the first-aid box someday and create an atmosphere that as a company you are not phased by taking action if there is a potential for bullying within your organisation. The employee may feel the need to escalate action, however, but I would strongly urge talking to a conflict coach outside of the job and running through the options particularly the potential downside in the aftermath in that particular workplace. Consult a solicitor by all means but make them sure of your instructions and any fears around the escalation of the process.

Moves you can make unilaterally

Employers may have the walls of their premises covered by clauses on employee well-being and procedures, all the while hoping that they are never needed. If there is tension outside the workplace, then there is the possibility that it could exist inside your working environment.

Expect to have to use the first-aid box someday and create an atmosphere that as a company you are not phased by taking action if there is a potential for bullying within your organisation. The employee may feel the need to escalate action, however, but I would strongly urge talking to a conflict coach outside of the job and running through the options particularly the potential downside in the aftermath in that particular workplace.

Consult a solicitor by all means but make them sure of your instructions and any fears around the escalation of the process. I hope this article is helpful to the employer or employee that is feeling affected by others’ behaviour at work.

Declan Foley

#change #anxiety